Mr. Kenickie's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Review
posted at 12:43 AM on Tuesday, July 18, 2000
Introduction
| Developed by: |
| Jellyvision |
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| System Requirements: |
PC System Requirements
Windows 95/98
Pentium 133
32MB RAM
200MB Free Disk Space
16-bit DirectX Sound
16-bit DirectX Video
4X CD-ROM
Mac System Requirements
System 8.1-9.0
G3 Processor
32MB RAM
200MB Free Disk Space
24X CD-ROM
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| Reviewed Using: |
Windows 98
Pentium III 550
64MB RAM
Sound Blaster LIVE! Platinum
32MB TnT2 Ultra Video
48X CD-ROM
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Last summer, millions of rabid television watchers tuned in each night to ABC to watch Regis Philbin grind pointless trivia out of complete losers and utter nobodies. The show was an instant hit worldwide and became something ABC just had to milk for all it was worth. It's not surprising, then, that they would license not only one, but two games to be created for viewers so they can enjoy the wile and wit of Regis in their very own home. And who would be best to make a humorous trivia game? Jellyvision, makers of You Don't Know Jack, of course! This is a pretty solid combination, at least for anyone who's a trivia or Millionaire fan.
Here's a quick rundown for the seven people out there that aren't familiar with Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. You're put in the hot seat (as they call it), and go one-on-one with Regis, who asks you a set of fifteen questions, each getting more and more difficult. If you answer the question correctly, you get to move up to the next question (which is generally worth double the cash prize) until you hit one million dollars. However, if you guess incorrectly once, the game is over and you lose all the money. Sound pretty stressful, eh? Don't worry, at $1,000 and $32,000 you hit safe points, so if you get a question wrong after them, you will fall back down to the last safepoint you hit--of course that still sucks when you had $250,000, but I guess it's better than nothing.
Alright, that's over.
So, what is the game like? Well, you get to play the role of the person in the hot seat, except without the stress of making a fool of yourself in front of millions of American viewers and the pressure of proving to your girlfriend that size doesn't matter. In fact, to clear things up for the morons in the crowd, the box clearly states on the bottom, I kid you not, "You must be on the television show to win a real million dollars." Well that sucks! I bought the game intending to incessantly play until ABC tossed a cold million my way! Dammit, that's false advertising! Why the Hell should I put up with Regis for a half hour if I'm not even going to get a million bucks for it? Screw this.
Despite this setback, though, The Management forced me to continue playing so that I could have some sort of review up or something. Bastards.
the game
Well, it's a trivia game, so this game will be either one of your favorite games ever or less desirable than Rosie O'Donnell's lingerie depending on your particular taste. I'm one of those freaks that thrives on reciting the Gettysburg Address or listing off all the server error numbers and their descriptions (you know--404: Bad Request), so this game hit pretty close to home for me. Plus, I admit, I was a fan of the show. Ahem, umm, err, alright, so the game is good and stuff.
Here's the scoop: you log in, Regis asks you for your name, then the questions start off. The first few are pretty brainless, and if you manage to get them wrong, you should be pulled by your hair and sold to a husky lumberjack named Bubba for some backdoor lovin'. Here's an example:
Which of the following painting tools has bristles?
A. Easle
B. Knife
C. Brush
D. Palette
Uhh, hmm, that's a tough one. Okay, so like the show, it's pretty much a given that you'll make it to the $1,000 mark. Don't worry, if you fail to do that, Regis gives you a firm slapping on the ass--you should enjoy that. You're then challenged slightly more when he whips out the nobody-cares-about-History-and-Literature questions. Example? Surely:
Who wrote musicals with Oscar Hammerstein II?
A. Richard Rodgers
B. Rogers Hornsby
C. Gilbert Sullivan
D. George Rogers Clark
For those of you uncultured baboons in the peanut gallery, the answer is A. The questions definitely get more and more difficult, even harder than the television show, in my opinion. In fact, in all the playing I did, I only made it to the million dollar question once--and I blew it then. No, I'm not an idiot, despite what everyone says--the questions are hard.
As for everyone's favorite part of the show, the lifelines are pretty impressive. When you choose to "Ask the Audience", the percentages show up next to each question much like the show. Do they pull these numbers from the deep crevices of their anal cavities? No, they actually polled 50 real people per question (on every question in there) from their website. No matter which question you decide to ask the audience on, there are statistics for it. Not too shabby. Even more impressive than that, though, is the "Phone-a-Friend". Like the other lifeline, they have gone ahead and recorded a conversation regarding each question in the game just in case you decide to use your friend when trying to figure out what the third planet from the sun is. Sure, You Don't Know Jack has custom recording for every question and answer, too, so this isn't any major technological breakthrough--I just find it a nice touch.
If I have one complaint, though, it would be that it tends to move too slowly earlier in the game. I'm not quite sure why Regis is trying to build up the suspense for "What did the itsy-bitsy spider do?", but I sure as Hell didn't appreciate it. I know the answer, you know the answer, let's get on with it, eh? On the other hand, the speed is just perfect for those more difficult questions later on--as much as you might hate him, Regis does a pretty good job at making you feel uncertain.
All in all, the gameplay is everything that you'd expect from Jellyvision with nothing new or surprising. It fits the television show pretty closely, explaining why the Hell it's been on the top of the charts for months. Don't expect it to push your system to the limit or make you ruin your keyboard in awe because it's far from innovative. Keep in mind, though, it's not really supposed to do any of that--the game's job is to constantly throw questions at you until you breakdown in tears due to extreme frustration. It does that.
graphics
For what the game is, the graphics are pretty good. It's very flashy and colorful, and it matches the show identically. The graphics engine seems fairly up-to-date, allowing you to play in 16-bit color, however, 640x480 resolution pretty much sucks more than a Kirby convention--right, Blizzard? The animations are very smooth, and they didn't seem to get on my nerves until the third or fourth question. That's a good thing since my patience is at about the level of an ex-marine klan member at a special olympics daycare center.
There really isn't much more to talk about in the line of graphics in this game. You've got the opening sequence where Regis tempts you with some dough, the animation of the hot seat before each question, and the questions themselves. They really could have spiced it up a bit by adding some outrageously busted, half-clad chick holding up the question number. That would have been... that would have been... mmm, outrageously busted, half-clad chicks holding up question numbers...
Anyways, the graphics were on the spot.
sound
Regis. Lots and lots of Regis. If you really can't put up with him, then this game isn't for you because Regis doesn't shut up for the entire game. Even when you're trying to concentrate on a difficult question, his mouth is erroneously flapping away. My friend had to put the game on mute when she was playing because she was about to drive to New York and take a shit on Regis' lawn. Too bad gas prices are so high; she would've done it.
Oh yeah, do you enjoy that damned music from the television show? I hope so because you'll be hearing quite a bit of it during the game. Refer to the mute command above. God bless the programmer who implemented that. As for sound quality, the developers pulled it off pretty well--it's very crisp and clean, no matter how much you hate it.
value
The game's only a small twenty bucks, and pretty much every vendor out there has some kind of promotion or sale going on with it, so it's a steal and a half. I was entertained for several hours, and this is one of those titles I will hold on to just to pass some time when my connection is on the fritz or I'm considering selling my soul to Verant and logging into Everquest. Go ahead, join the millions of people around the world and buy the damned game. You'll even get a complimentary "I Am an American" badge for joining society. Good boy.
conclusion
What the Hell, it's a good game. As much as I hate to admit it and despite my constant whining for the past few weeks because it's been on the top-selling charts, I enjoyed the game. The gameplay and graphics match the show exactly, so if you're a fan of the show, this is a must-have. Even the casual gamer should get some enjoyment out of this one, and for twenty bucks, it's a great deal. Be sure to burn a copy of it and throw away the original CD, though, because you won't want anyone knowing you're a Millionaire supporter. Trust me.
To help you out, here's a few random statistics that may come in handy when answering questions in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire:
The Greek Alphabet
Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, Zeta, Eta, Theta, Iota, Kappa, Lamda, Mu, Nu, Xi, Omicron, Pi, Rho, Sigma, Tau, Ypsilon, Phi, Chi, Psi, Omega
The Books of the Old Testament
Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, I Samuel, II Samuel, I Kings, II Kings, I Chronicles, II Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther, Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations, Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, and Malachi
The First Verse of "Yakko's World"
United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama
Haiti, Jamaica, Peru
Republic Domenican, Cuba, Carribean
Greenland, El Salvador, too
Puerto Rico, Colombia, Venezuela
Hondorus, Guiana, and still
Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and
Ecuador, Chile, Brazil
Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda
Tobago, Bahamas, San Juan
Paraguay, Uraguay, Suriname, and
French Guyana, Barbados, and Guam
Clinophobia is the fear of beds.
The dot on an 'i' is called a tiddle.
"O Mio Dio! Questè una ascia nella mia testa!" means "Oh My God! There's an axe in my head!" in Italian.
166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the US.
Over 2500 left-handed people a year are killed from using products made for right-handed people.
That's enough of that, now go buy the game.
gameplay 4/5
It's fun. It's trivia. Nothing shining, yet nothing bad with it.
graphics 4/5
Flashy and identical to the show. They hit their target.
sound 0/5 or 5/5
Depending on how much you like Regis, you're either gonna love it or hate it.
value 5/5
It's twenty bucks and there's like 89 million questions or something. There's a lot of replay value here.
the verdict 4/5
A must-have for any fan of the show who thinks they're smarter than the contestants.
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