Original Archive Date: January 2004
 Grand Theft Auto: Vote City
Posted Friday, January 30, 2004 by Mr. Savage
Yahoo News has recounted highlights of presidential candidate Senator Joe Leiberman's comments regarding the game Grand Theft Auto to a woman's group at Dartmouth College. Pandering to his audience, he chose to pick the beating and murder of a woman in the game to make his point that "violent games are bad, mmmkay?" Of course the whole event was sponsored by 'Lifetime' women’s channel, where every man is a raping kidnapping alcoholic predator just released on parole from the local maximum security prison in Cheboygan.
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 Chloroform Really Works!
Posted Tuesday, January 27, 2004 by Mr. Poppinfresh
The Corporation congratulates its own diligent employee-slave Mr. Finnegan, who recently announced that he had successfully trapped, roped, and dragged back to his cave one Magan Batson, a comely female of noted virtue, and that a wedding would be forthcoming in the year 2005. While it is clear that Miss Batson suffers from some drastic form of uncorrected nearsightedness, we nonetheless wish them both the best as they struggle to make ends meet on a fruity journalists' salary, minus copious video game expenses.
Congratulations!
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 WELL SANTA, I'D LIKE SOME MORE EVERQUEST, BUT WITH WARCRAFT SKINS!
Posted Tuesday, January 27, 2004 by Ray
As you've probably heard by now, Worlds of Warcraft* will start accepting beta applications on the 28th at 8PM CST. Head on over to Blizzard's homepage when the time is right to get your link on. Good luck to everyone applying. I hear playing a buggy EQ clone with uber EQ guilds is really really fun!
Edit: Blizzard opened the beta signup page. Much like Mr Poppinfresh after a $10 bill and a ride to the liquor store, it's all fucked up.
And I thought Blizzard could do no wrong. Silly me.
HTTP 403.9 - Access Forbidden: Too many users are connected
Internet Information Services
Man, I bet Blizzard will have the bestest release ever
* "War" to be patched in later.
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Curses! Foiled Again!
Posted Thursday, January 22, 2004 by Mr. Poppinfresh
The preceding post is a good example of why it is wise to ignore hot scoops from people who work in cubicles for sixty hours a week.
Sorry, ya'll.
Note: they're still sending all those jobs to India. I'm not actually very sorry. ---
Customer Service Is For Fags
Posted Thursday, January 22, 2004 by Mr. Poppinfresh
In a flurry of "I just got fired, fuck the man" e-mails originating from ex-Sony Online employees, a story has emerged:
Everquest has laid off a massive number of GMs, and most or all of the Planetside QA team.
No more 'ding gratz' for them, I guess
Whereas OSI stopped at replacing their counsellors with staff who were prone to saying "I cannot help thee with that; thank you, come again!", SOE has apparently taken the next logical step in MMO gaming; doing away with their QA and CS departments entirely. After all, we're a bunch of sweaty bitches who will take it in any hole they ask us to as it stands, so it's not as though "ensuring quality" or "serving the customer" would actualy, you know, matter to the bottom line.
However, this now means that e-baying phat lewtz is not only insanely profitable, it is also currently the only viable career path in this industry. Long ago I stopped even bothering to say how fucking insane this stuff is; for the record, I'm actually surprised by this.
It cuts through my apathy.
It's that dumb.
Way to go, guys! You do evil corporate monsters the world over proud!
Please note that we are currently working on a more solid confirmation of the details of this story.
Update: So far, Official Sources deny everything. While we are still sniffing out the truth, our sources may be in for a stern flogging.
Discuss. ---
I'm Running Linux On Your Mom With Rasputin.
Posted Tuesday, January 20, 2004 by Mr. Savage
Alright you little fiends…
I had a bad day in Planetside and feel like kicking out an article. So here it is, stolen straight from the pages of Slashdot and presented for you.
It appears that someone (namely the Xbox Linux people) have been working to port Linux to the Nintendo GameCube. Is this a big success and worthy of a lot of fanfare?
Honestly?
No. ---
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Up, Up, And Away! Unless The Severs Get Borked Again...
Posted Sunday, January 18, 2004 by Mr. Poppinfresh
NCSoft has released some new screenshots and power descrptions for their upcoming superhero MMO game, City of Heroes. While the screenshots are certainly interesting, they underline a more fundamental truth about superheroes: they are just normal people, who put their brightly colored underwear on over their tights one leg at a time like the rest of us.
One of the powers listed in this update is called Stone Mallet. No word from the CoH dev team as of press time as to whether or not this Mallet can be converted into a Gavel with which to hold an impromptu Kangaroo Court (service supplied by the Magic Moments team for $50, assuming they make the appointment), in order to convict the Mythica dev team of stealing their ideas; or, instead, if it is merely qualified for the lesser chore of beating off creepy fanbois dressed up in tinfoil suits at conventions. ---
 I Don't Give a Shit Anymore
Posted Friday, January 16, 2004 by Rasputin
It's really funny how things work out. It's a circle, this whole MMOG market. For some reason, overall...I just don't give a shit anymore. We're playing Planetside, a lot of us. Not EQ, UO, SB or anything more "mainstream," barring ATITD since Somebob's up to his heavily medicated neck in mud bricks.
Why don't I give a shit? Pop summed it up rather eloquently:
I'm tired of caring about these games eons before they come out
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Shut up and give me my ten bucks per month, little man. My Porsche needs some performance upgrades.
Posted Friday, January 16, 2004 by Ray
(Or how I learned to hate EA all over again)
After much whoring from EA and gnashing of teeth on my part, I finally reactivated my 67 month UO account over the weekend. Having not played since the last expansion was released in March, I had unreasonably high hopes that the game has changed for the better. Silly me.
Upon logging in for the first time and mingling with the locals, I saw that the eyesores of yesteryear have gotten even worse. Confronted with colored weapons and artifacts, I consulted an old friend: ---
Full Post
Posted Thursday, January 15, 2004 by Mr. Poppinfresh
Like so many unfortunate lemmings being forced off a cliff in a staged Disney movie, the staff of Corpnews have reluctantly reassembled themselves here once more, ready to provide you with the absolute freshest in video game-related fabrications. The reason for this sudden latest rise from the dead, you ask?
Why, spite, of course!
As fun as that is, however, yours truly has had to occupy himself with cheaper forms of entertainment ever since Corporation HQ slashed our budget to fund our latest lawsuit against Microsoft; something about an infringement on our copyright on panes of glass used to see outdoors, or some such similar thing. I don't really pay attention to legal briefs, to be honest; I find them to be the realm of little people.
Like, little in the pant region.
Like, penises.
It was therefore with some delight that I came across the 30-day Free Planetside Trial, the sort of offer that tickles two of my main fancies: 'Free Things' and 'Shooting People In The Face'. It is indeed a shame that there is no real life career path that combines these two elements, I tell you...
Oh, wait. Nevermind.
At any rate, a full review of this New Improved Planetside can be found here. While you're sniffing around, you can also sign up for the forums; we'll be having Picture of Nonsense contests for unique forum titles next week, so get on the band wagon, folks.
And, of course, welcome back!
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 Corpnews: Now With Forums
Posted Saturday, January 10, 2004 by Somebob
Yep, that's right, Corpnews.Com forums now actually exist once again. The Forums link, instead of pointing to a Crossroads forum that hasn't existed for years, now points to a live and active phpBB2 community or whatnot. Enjoyee!
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