The Corporation Accosts Lum the Mad
posted at 12:00 AM on Tuesday, January 23nd, 2001
Introduction
You can find the preceeding half of this interview here.
Editor's Note: Welcome back! We now return you to the Lum Interview. Today's section is entitled The Revenge of the Wombat, and What Lum Wants. Here too, you will finally understand why we said to hell with posting an interview, and just posted the chat log. No one, not even Shakespeare, could have made this coherent. Never ever put lots of game writers into one small room.
[15:18] Subversive So you can't think of a single thing in the history of Lum The Mad that you directly altered.
[15:19] Subversive For MMOGs, that is.
[15:19] Lum_ hm
[15:19] Lum_ Ubiq of U:WOOWOWOWO said if I promised him good publicity he'd write mongbats into the game.
[15:19] Subversive And we all love mongbats.
[15:19] Lum_ Exactly.
[15:20] Lum_ Mongbats are the BOMB.
[15:20] Subversive One-hit-wonders.
[15:20] Subversive I love it when there's a group of them, and you just run around killing them all in one shot.
[15:20] Lum_ I want an army of mongbats to do my bidding.
[15:20] Subversive *clang* "skreee!"
[15:20] Subversive *clang* "skreee!"
[15:20] Subversive *clang* "skreee!"
[15:20] Lum_ It would have to be a large army, due to the inherent disposableness of mongbats.
[15:20] Subversive They must breed quick.
[15:21] Lum_ Mongbats have to be good at SOMETHING, right?
[15:21] Subversive Hump like monkeys, I guess.
[15:22] Tweety I need to set up a hotbutton for "Tweety stares at the lunatics"
[15:22] Tweety NEXT QUESTION
[15:22] Subversive Heh. FINE!
[15:22] Lum_ No, let's talk about mongbats more.
[15:22] Lum_ You know, in UO3D mongbats are MUCH BIGGER.
[15:22] Lum_ Still pretty disposable, though.
[15:23] Tweety What the hell is a mongbat? An indiginous Vietnamese wombat?
[15:23] Lum_ Yes.
[15:23] Tweety oh
[15:23] Subversive ANYWAY!
[15:23] Lum_ Did you know that three mongbats make up a "flight" of mongbats?
[15:24] Lum_ Scientists believe that mongbats once had an intricate civilization and code of ethics.
[15:24] Subversive I know when you have 15 you get a "harem."
[15:24] Subversive 30 gets you a "gaggle."
[15:24] Lum_ 250 is "THE HORDE", I believe
Editor here again, we finally started heading back to the point here. Sort of.
[15:24] Subversive Over that, it's just "a shitload of mongbats."
[15:25] Subversive So anyway, back to the purpose of you being here. The interview. You spent a lot of time bitching about games. What do you think makes for a good one?
[15:25] Lum_ Did you know that the Captain and Tenielle's "Muskrat Love" was really "Mongbat Love"? The world wasn't ready for Mongbat Love though.
[15:25] Subversive Remember, your future bosses are reading this.
[15:25] Subversive (We hope)
THIS IS NOT A MESSAGE. IGNORE THIS LOGO. 'THE CORPORATION' IS NOT IMPLYING ANYTHING BY IT.
[15:26] Lum_ You mean besides a plethora of mongbats?
[15:26] Subversive No
[15:26] Lum_ Because that would make an awfully good game.
[15:26] Subversive I'm talking about designing the perfect "Mong Online."
[15:26] Subversive We could call it MO.
[15:26] Lum_ Other then that, I think MMOGs can be much more immersive than they are now.
[15:26] Lum_ Most of the writing in online gaming, frankly sucks.
[15:27] Subversive And everyone runs around killing mongs all day, getting small experience bonuses for them. Like in EQ.
[15:27] Lum_ And for the LOW RATE of ONLY PENNIES PER YEAR, you can hire ME to fix it!
[15:27] Tweety Did you think Verant got a clue with Velious? The writing is far better, I hear.
[15:27] Lum_ Yes, Velious definitely showed an improvement in the writing.
[15:27] Lum_ I know this third hand, mind you, since I suck at EQ.
[15:28] Subversive Again your weird Everquest communication confuses me. A non-Everquest player.
[15:28] Lum_ MONGBATS.
[15:28] Subversive Thanks.
[15:28] Subversive That's better.
[15:28] * Tweety works on the stare macro
[15:29] Subversive So writing is important.
[15:29] Subversive Obviously.
[15:29] Subversive How else?
[15:29] Lum_ Well, fun is always good.
[15:29] Lum_ Games should always try to have "fun" bits.
[15:29] Lum_ And roxxoring.
[15:29] Lum_ Games must allow you to roxxor.
[15:29] Subversive PVPing?
[15:30] Lum_ If necessary.
[15:30] Subversive Explain.
[15:30] Lum_ Seriously PvP is always a high-end player's pastime - no one starts a game knowing nothing about it, save that they want to kill everyone else.
[15:30] Lum_ Unless they play Quake 12 or some such.
[15:30] Lum_ But once they've mastered everything else in the game, chances are good they really HATE everyone else in the game, and killing them becomes a viable strategy.
[15:31] Subversive So you're sorta in favor of a PVP switch?
[15:32] Lum_ Well, games without a PvP switch now in effect DO have a PvP switch. The PvP-off switch entails playing another game.
[15:32] Subversive That's one way to look at it.
[15:32] Galt I hate my computer. I miss much?
[15:32] Subversive Yes.
[15:32] Subversive :>
[15:32] Lum_ MONGBATS!
[15:33] Galt WOO HOO.
[15:33] Subversive MONGBAT ONLINE
[15:33] Galt I love mongbats
[15:33] Lum_ I do too.
[15:33] Subversive Everyone does.
[15:33] Lum_ Tweety doesn't.
[15:33] Lum_ Let's beat Tweety up. She doesn't belong IN THE CLUB.
[15:33] Subversive She is not one of us.
[15:33] Subversive Joiiin usss...
[15:33] Lum_ you mean she's an adult?
[15:33] Galt how can she not like mongbats?
[15:34] Subversive Well she's older then me. I think she's in her 70's, but I'm afraid to actually look.
[15:34] Tweety I KEEP TELLING YOU
[15:34] Galt adult or not - whatever your criteria - how can you not like them
[15:34] Tweety I'm a three foot high chimp with body hair issues
[15:34] Lum_ I think we've reduced Tweety to incoherency.
[15:34] Galt well, we'd know how old she is if we had a picuture
[15:34] Subversive She's one of those never-played-UO freaks.
[15:34] Galt you never played UO tweety?
[15:35] Lum_ I'm not helping, am I.
[15:35] Subversive Nope.
[15:35] Subversive Anyway.
[15:35] Subversive You said the PvP-off switch entails playing another game.
[15:35] Subversive You mean that games without a PVP switch aren't economically viable?
[15:36] Lum_ Well, they immediately consign themself to a limited group of players - those who are comfortable playing in a PvP-unlimited environment
[15:37] Subversive Personally, I think it's because no one's figured out the "right way" to do PVP.
[15:38] Subversive I mean, look at UO...
[15:38] Lum_ You mean, not making everyone mongbats?
[15:38] Subversive Yeah.
[15:38] Subversive I think Mongbat sex should be part of all PVP, personally.
[15:39] Lum_ I suspect it is.
[15:39] Subversive But yeah, look at UO. PVP with few consequences.
[15:39] Subversive Then there's EQ, where PVP is an afterthought.
[15:40] Subversive And AC, well... I'm sure Dartide r0xx0rs and all. But I don't know all that many who are willing to play it.
[15:41] Lum_ PvP will always be attractive to folks bored with the rest of the game they're playing.
[15:42] Subversive In that case, PVP is essential, isn't it?
[15:43] Lum_ Depends on how much you care about your bored customers
[15:43] Subversive Well, if the games can't retain players bored with static or linear interaction, they lose accounts.
[15:44] Lum_ Depends on how much you care about making money. :)
[15:45] Subversive Well would you ever try to design a MMOG if you had the opportunity? You know. Become the second incarnation of GLJeff or something?
[15:46] Lum_ Well, that sort of, you know, is the job I'm looking for now.
[15:46] Lum_ Except that I doubt I'll just be GIVEN one. I'll probably have to start in the mail room and stuff.
[15:46] Subversive I thought you wanted to be a meat puppet...
[15:46] Tweety Think he meant try to design a game, soup to nuts, yes?
[15:47] Lum_ Well, that would be HARD.
[15:47] Tweety Lum, describe your dream job, then
[15:47] Lum_ Making sweet sweet love to mongbats?
[15:47] Tweety Too many elbows
[15:48] Subversive Yes.
[15:48] Tweety Level design, world building, quests, the math bits where you allocate exp?
[15:49] Lum_ YES.
[15:49] Subversive ...Mongbat algorithms.
[15:49] * Tweety surrenders to the power of the mongbat and goes back to her MP3 collection
[15:49] Galt aw, now you chased her away
[15:50] Lum_ I just want you all to know I made an enchanter in EQ named "MONGBAT"
[15:50] Subversive I changed my name legally to "M0ngb4t."
[15:51] Subversive But seriously. Let's look at it this way. What job would you want at, say, Verant, working on MMOGs?
[15:51] Lum_ Preferably something on the creative side of the process.
[15:51] Lum_ I mean, I guess I could mop floors and stuff.
[15:51] Subversive You'd want to be another Raph Koster?
[15:52] Lum_ Well, yes, but with less guitar.
[15:52] Lum_ And more mongbat.
[15:52] Subversive Oh come on. I mean, let's face it. That man probably gets all the MMOG-playing chicks...
[15:52] Lum_ Assuming he were not married, you mean?
[15:52] Subversive Sure.
[15:53] Lum_ I don't think I can comment on Raph Koster's raw animal attraction, sorry.
[15:53] Lum_ Tweety?
Editor making a note again, I would like to point out I was not ignoring them, I simply felt the only way this interview could get further out of control was to start commenting on anyone's animal attractiveness.
[15:54] Subversive I killed her.
[15:54] Subversive Well, ignoring the prior comments, who do you think is the most influential designer/thinker in MMOGs.
[15:54] Lum_ Oh, definitely Raph. He thinks deep thoughts.
[15:54] Lum_ For example, I suspect he would be mortified by the whole mongbat thing.
[15:55] Subversive I just wonder if he's getting the creative freedom I'm sure he wants over there at The Enemy.
[15:55] Lum_ You'd have to ask him. I don't think that the license gives him a whole lot of room to maneuver tho.
[15:56] Subversive That's a shame. He should start his own company.
[15:56] Subversive And hire me.
[15:56] Lum_ And me!
[15:56] Subversive I called first!
[15:56] Lum_ Don't forget, I'm looking for work.
[15:57] Subversive Who says I'm not?
[15:57] Lum_ Yes, but I have mongbats.
[15:57] Subversive DAMN YOU!
[15:57] Tweety I want my own pet mongbat now
[15:57] Subversive Ok, slightly different question then. Which of the games currently on the market do you think match up to 'The Ideal'?
[15:58] Subversive Ignoring mongbats.
[15:58] Lum_ It's not really a fair question. They all have different "ideals" that they strive for.
[15:59] Lum_ UO has the most dynamic world, AC is the most storydriven, EQ has the most cleavage.
[15:59] Lum_ So your mileage may vary.
[15:59] Subversive So you don't think there can be one perfect MMOG?
[15:59] Lum_ For one person, maybe.
[15:59] Subversive For you then
[15:59] Tweety Yes, tell us what you want
[15:59] Lum_ I want a game that's fun.
[16:00] Lum_ My definition of fun is probably not your definition.
[16:00] Subversive Mine is sex.
[16:00] Subversive With mongbats.
[16:00] Lum_ well, mine too. But I don't see where that would really translate to an MMOG environment.
[16:00] Subversive Don't forget UO:OWWWOOOWOWO.
[16:00] Tweety Since this is like an interview of you and not us, you might as well tell us what you think is fun...
[16:00] Galt sex bot attatchments.
[16:00] Subversive Thank you, Tweety.
[16:01] Lum_ Well, really, anything that allows you to hang out with friends, bash pixels in an amusing fashion, and occasionally be challenged.
[16:01] Subversive (He's ducking, Tweet.)
[16:02] Tweety (totally)
[16:02] Galt Lets try it another way. If you were to make an ideal MMORPG, what are the key factors you would find necessary to make it fun for YOU?
[16:02] Lum_ no, actually I'm working on my new enchanter Mongbat the Mighty
[16:03] Tweety come on, Lum, think we're almost out of questions, might as well answer it and make the pain stop
[16:03] Subversive Yep.
[16:03] Lum_ Oh, OK.
[16:03] Subversive (he's afraid of pissing off his potential future bosses)
[16:03] Lum_ My ideal MMOG would have many paths to any goal, as opposed to the linear path most games seem to fixate on.
[16:03] Lum_ They would allow players to advance in their chosen field through their chosen field, be it crafting, warfare, or making shiny rocks
[16:04] Lum_ They would have lots of people, because I like having lots of people around virtually for some reason
[16:04] Lum_ And I'd get to make things blow up.
[16:04] Lum_ BOOOM
[16:04] Lum_ There, she's blown, kid, let's go home!
[16:04] Subversive Innnteresting.
[16:04] Subversive Ok. One last last final question.
[16:05] Galt (i have one too =) )
[16:05] Lum_ Does it involve mongbats?
[16:05] Subversive Maybe.
[16:05] Subversive Which of the upcoming games do you think has the most potential. Or gets closest to your ideas.
[16:05] Subversive Then maybe Galt can ask you something.
[16:05] Lum_ I'm excited about many of them in different ways. I think Shadowbane and Anarchy Online will both surprise a lot of folks.
[16:05] Galt gee, thanks subby
[16:06] Subversive Anytime.
[16:06] Lum_ (note carefully I'm not saying HOW they will be surprised, mind you)
[16:06] Subversive You mean you don't like Horizons! DEATH!
[16:06] * Lum_ dies.
[16:07] Subversive Ok, Galt. Shoot. While he's still breathing.
[16:07] Galt Ok.
[16:07] Tweety Y'all are nasty!
[16:07] Galt Through your work, you've contributed alot to changing the face of MMORPG gaming, if only by making the folks who run them see problems they were either ignoring or not aware of.
[16:08] Lum_ That's not a question, but OK.
[16:08] Subversive "How do you feel this changed the face of mongbat rights?"
[16:08] Galt Do you think it is feasible to be able to effectively address the hordes playing mmorpgs and their desires, in any actual manner
[16:08] Galt or is that as much a myth as American democracy?
[16:09] Galt if you were the one playing customer service at any of the big companies.
[16:09] Lum_ Well, if gaming companies expect to actually do well, like make millions of dollars, then it had better not be a myth.
[16:09] Lum_ Most people don't enjoy being abused. I know, weird but true.
[16:10] Subversive Is that your final answer?
[16:10] Lum_ So, yeah, gaming companies do need to address players' concerns as much as possible.
[16:10] Lum_ Yes, Reeg.
[16:10] Galt right, but is it feasible
[16:11] Galt based on the sheer number of players?
[16:11] Lum_ Doesn't matter. It's necessary.
[16:11] Galt any idea how, then?
[16:11] Lum_ If I did, I probably would not be looking for work right now!
[16:11] Galt heh. fair enough.
[16:11] Lum_ unfortunately, there is no quick and easy answer to adequate customer service given the limited resources MMOG companies have.
[16:12] Lum_ The trick is to leverage what they do have more efficiently and more effectively.
[16:13] Subversive ok. Thanks for coming over, Lum. Thanks for sorta answering our questions. Thanks for the Mongbat memories, and here I will stop the logging so you can tell us what you Really Think. Remember to look for Lum coming to you as a spineless puppet working from a huge MMOG corporation at some point soon!
[16:13] Subversive Thankew, and goodnight.
[16:14] Lum_ Woo woo!
[16:14] *** Lum_ has quit IRC (Quit: Lum_)
Continue to discuss how Lum suxx0rz for selling out here.
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