Mr. Coldforged's Humpday Lust Pit
posted at 12:28 AM on Wednesday, July 18th
Phew! I've finally escaped the devious, illicit enchantment with which Deus Ex ensnared me. I can actually look around and enjoy the world around me for a few hours whilst recovering from this latest addiction. You know it's scary when you start responding to the name J.C. and demand that you be fed soy bars and sodas regularly. I can assure you that being expunged of such a serious malady is no tree-hugging, koala bear-smooching walk in the park type of wuss thing. The closest I can come to a decent description is having a small RV removed forcibly from your ribcage. Hardly fun, and the neighbors complain about the noise.
Lately I've been squeezing in a bit of the latest incarnation of Microsquish's perennial standby, Flight Simulator 2000. Yes, I am blessed with decent, humanitarian editors, aren't I? I've been a flight sim buff for about 8 years or so now, from the first Hornet version available for Macs. Back then I thought it was the cat's anus... the absolute epitome of combat flight simulation. Ignore the fact that I hadn't the slightest idea about such concepts as aerodynamics, lift vectors, or hell, stalls. I could get out there, fly around, and blast pure hell out of the sorry communist bastards in their Mig-23s. Similarly, ignore the fact that I could no more land my F/A-18 on the carrier than I could suddenly sprout a perfectly-formed turnip from the center of my forehead. This was entertainment, by gawd, and I didn't care how realistic it was or whether every little instrument was modelled 100% accurately during each conceivable maneuver. This has changed a considerable amount as I've aged and lost that innocent shine of youth. Now I don't much care about beautiful terrain or anything like that... I want to get my hands dirty with controls and gauges and strange crap like that. Methinks FS2K will fill this role admirably. Time will tell... look for my review soon.
However, FS2K does have one glaring flaw: there is no conceivable way to sling a missile at some sorry 747 loafing along above Atlanta. Trust me, I've tried. These damned Cessna thingies and Sopwith Camels simply have no armament! Personally I'm astounded... how could they have overlooked such a simple feature? Ah well... bygones. However, I'm noting that there's something glinting on the horizon from Microsquish that just might satiate my appetite for aerial destruction. Whassat? Crimson Skies.
Crimson Skies appears to be a simplified FS2K with guns. Tasty. The flight model falls between the idiotic and the sublime, which should be an interesting mix for the mass-market the 'Squish appears to be targeting. Think of this as more of a fantasy-flying-blow-up-everything-in-a-20-mile-radius type of thing. Check out the following snippet from a GA-Source preview:
"The missions in which you'll fly are quite interesting, and different from anything I've seen before. In one mission, you'll try to pluck a friend from a moving train, while in another, you'll be following a stunt pilot in Hollywood as you fly around a large movie set. These are just a couple of examples from the varied and interesting missions you'll find in CS. There were many missions that didn't have voiceovers or briefings at all in the beta, so there were times where I had no idea why I was at a specific location."
Allow me to just say that you can fly through the "O" in the Hollywood sign. Try doing that in FS2K, you sumbeech! In other words, this is a lighter, low-fat simulator that emphasizes fun over, umm, everything. I can deal with that... it's a noble, invigorating cause and it perks my nipples in a delightfully playful way. I mean, there's only so much spartan, dial-watching, gauge-glaring ILS/VOR approach velocity, contact tower at 1142.1 mamby-pamby, Delta Airlines "we love to fly and do hoes" simulation poobah that one can take, ya know? I'll take two copies and a bag of Fritos.
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