h0w to r0x0rz in d00d sp34k!!1!2@1!
By Mr. Kenickie - 4:34 AM on Saturday, July 29, 2000
mR. k3Nick1e tEAch0rz j00!1!!@!@!1
Let me start by giving you some Official Mr. Kenickie Examples of how I would translate some normal sentences into d00d sp34k.
"Hello, kind sir, how are you doing on this fine day?"
"h3y biZn4tch!!11! suP w1t j00???///"
"I thank you for the wonderful game. Perhaps next time you will beat me."
"aHaHaHah!!112!11 i r0x0rz j00!!1!1 ph34r m3!1!2211!"
"Please be quiet. I do not appreciate that tone of voice."
"stfu!2112!@!!@!!@!!!@!!"
Now let's go back and dissect each of these sentences so that you can get a better understanding of how d00d works.
The first thing that you should notice is that none of the sentences are capitalized properly. That's a sign of an experienced d00d sp34ker because you want to set the tone immediately. If you go ahead and use proper mechanics, then the rest of your d00d could be seen as a string of typos, and that is something you want to avoid--you're talking like this for a reason (see the next section). Bottom line: get your audience's attention early to prevent any confusion. For even more emphasis, capitalize the second letter to prove that you weren't just being lazy with capitals.
The next thing that you'll see is that numbers are often exchanged for letters. Some of the most common numbers you will see are 1, 3, 4, 5, and 0 which respectively stand for I or L, E, A, S, and O. You can simply exchange those letters for the numbers h0w3v3r y0u w1sh. The key here is not to overuse the number trick or else your opponent will not understand a word that you say. You want to confuse the enemy, not hide your message from him.
Moving on, in the third example above, you should have noticed the abbreviation "stfu". This single phrase is the most important phrase you'll ever need as a d00d sp34kah because not only is it a phrase, but it's a noun, verb, adjective, and interjection! Technically, it stands for "Shut the Fuck Up", but if used properly, it can mean much, much more. Read the following sentences and try to guess which ones you can logically respond to with "stfu":
1. "I really don't value your opinion on the matter."
2. "I think that Everquest has a far better PvP system than Ultima Online."
3. "Why can't you talk like normal?"
4. "Britney Spears is fake, therefore, I do not find her attractive."
5. "stfu!!2@!2!@!@!@!!"
Alright, do you have your answers? If you said all five of them, then you can go ahead and give yourself a fresh cookie! Otherwise, you need to remember this about using "stfu": it can be used at any time for any purpose and any meaning. If you want to successfully talk like a d00d, you need to keep this in mind.
What about making additions to words? Well, there are no set laws to where and how you can modify a word, but the general rule of thumb is that you add a "zerz" to the end of the word or an "iz" in the middle. Examplzerz:
"i r0x0rz j00!1!1!@!!!!"
"suP in the hiz0use??!!!?!//?!"
"my miz0use is fux0rd!!112!!2!!"
Get it? Note that the additions to the words aren't always spelled the same and that you can use them in conjunction with any other d00d technique you wish. As with numbers, you don't want to overuse this method, but a random "zerz" can add a lot of character to a sentence.
Finally, the most important part of d00d sp34k (or anything for that matter) is the closing. Many people choose to neglect punctuation altogether, but they are missing out on a crucial way to extract emotion from their opponent. Since the end punctuation is the last thing that your opponent will read, you will want to make sure it is as strong and effective as possible. No matter what sentence type it is (declarative, exclamatory, or inquiry), you must always use many exclamation points!!!! If you scroll back to all the examples written in d00d sp34k, you will see that the fewest number of end symbols is five--in fact, most have many more than that. Now, what types of symbols are to be used? When writing anything but a question, be sure to start off with a few exclamation points, then pound the space between the "1" and "2" key while tapping shift and singing "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister. The end result would look something like: !!!1!@21!2!! If you are writing a question, you will want to mix in a few question marks and slashes to show some kind of inquiry is intended. Plus, they look cool.
Let's look at some effective and ineffective ways to end a sentence:
!!!!!!!!!!!! - Ineffective; not enough confusion.
@!@@@!@@!12!222!@! - Ineffective; too many "garbage" symbols such as 1, 2, and @.
!!!12!!!2@ - Very effective way to end a sentence.
!!!12!12!12!12 - Ineffective; there's a pattern, which does not represent chaos.
???!/1/!?21?! - Beautifully done.
Ending a sentence is an art which can never be truly mastered, but I hope that I have at least clarified the techniques which are generally used. Throwing random chaos to the end of a well-crafted d00d sentence can create a beautiful mix of emotion that will truly annoy and bother your opponent. Nifty.
Alright, now that you know some basic guidelines on how to be a successful d00d sp34kah, it's time to know how and when to use it.
N3xt pAje!!1!1@1!!12!1
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